Emotional Venting: The Reason Why We Argue Over Toothpaste Tops, Toilet Seats and Mother-in-laws!
Being in any type of relationship means that confrontations are inevitable, but all too often, we find ourselves behaving ridiculously, fighting over trivial things, using tit for tat tactics and blowing arguments totally out of proportion. When this transpired, the ability to shift from oblivion to awareness really isn’t an option, because a part of us seems incapable of responding intelligently to what is happening.
Caught up in our own personal tsunami of overwhelming emotions, the only option appears to vent those pent up feelings with a heated confrontation, which then allows us to righteously turn our backs, move away and spend time alone to lick our wounds, while those witnessing our irrational behavior may well be asking a very relevant question: “How old are you?”
That is a good point, because as the physical body grows, the emotional energy body should develop synchronically, but because of childhood trauma, this dimension of human consciousness rarely exceeds the emotional intelligence of a six-year-old!
Handing our relationships over to a part of us that is equivalent to a child, can have disastrous results, however, emotional intelligence and well-being can be developed and greatly improved upon through learning to recognize how energy breathes, moves or stagnates within our own energy field, upgrading our approach to relating effectively, instead of sabotaging all of our relationships.
*Being unaware of its influence, we allow our energy, with its immensely powerful capacity to manifest everything it absorbs, to act as proxy through a sort of qui tacet, consentit agreement (silence gives consent). As invisible as our energy may appear, silent is not a suitable adjective to describe it; mute would be more appropriate because our energy field, incapable of communicating with conventional means: screams, cries, and begs for love, care, and acceptance through emotional explosions, denial, shock reactions, and stress, all expressed and manifested through the physical body.
The subtle bodies are defined by eastern spiritual philosophy as the seven levels of human consciousness. As separate energy fields or light bodies connected to the seven principle chakras, they expand and contract in waves similar to the breath moving in and out of the physical lungs, while they form a structure similar to that of a nesting Russian matryoshka doll.
Every subtle body vibrates at a progressively higher frequency, extending out from the body slightly further than the previous one vibrating at a lower octave. Undisturbed, this dynamic and highly creative energy field expresses preconditioned reactions that project, implode, block, stagnate, expand, contract, and create on impulse, in all dimensions of human consciousness.
Concerning the second level of consciousness, the human concern is Emotion, feelings and emotional nuorishment, and like water, emotions need to flow. So when our emotional sponge reaches the point of maximum saturation, unable to absorb any additional liquid (or emotional nourishment), we begin to recognize a strong necessity to let the energy flow towards its opposite pole, and take time for ourselves away from all nourishing sources. And this, unfortunately, is where things start to get complicated!
Fortunately for us, the physical body breathes involuntarily. Improving on the way in which we breathe changes the quality of our health and grounds the physical body in the material world. The subtle bodies are no exception, for vital energy to flow naturally and healthily, they must expand and contract just as the lungs do. As far as the emotional subtle body is concerned, when it’s hindered from following its natural rhythm, our energetic system will force us to unconsciously react explosively with exaggerated reactions totally out of context, in the attempt to move away from the nourishing source, correct the energy flow, and restore balance; because after forcibly achieving the out breath, pressure is released and a sense of liberation is attained. This is the typical pain-and-pleasure feeling we are all so familiar with.
Below is the dualistic in and out breath of the emotional subtle body, and how it works in relation to accomplishing a healthy balance between nourishing ourselves and others:
- The in breath—As we merge into relationships we nourish both our self and friends, family members, and partners in a caring, pleasurable agreement of “I nourish you, you nourish me,” expansion, saying yes.
- The out breath—After absorbing sufficient nourishment, we are required to say no thank you to merging in any relationships, affirming yes to quality time for our needs through finding pleasurable means of providing self-nourishment. The out breath deals with aversion and saying no.
A perfect example is the parent-child relationship, which easily facilitates the in breath through a reciprocal emotional nourishment exchange. Like a sponge, our system soaks up energy until it is literally dripping with emotional water, the tipping the scales, an unconscious life guard mechanism is triggered, encouraging an energetic expiration in order to save the system from drowning.
Although we may not understand why, we may however, be very much aware of conflicting “feelings”, emotions that oscillate between relief and guilt, especially when we are emotionally saturated. If we are parents, all it takes is for our kids to behave like kids do, and we explode like a time bomb, with an intensity that is totally out of proportion with their childish misbehavior. Irrelevant arguments about money, children, toothpaste tops, raised toilet seats, and mothers-in-laws, become the means to instigate emotional explosions far greater than merited, all of which are unconscious strategies that enable us to feel rightfully authorized and deserving of time out from our children, spouse, and others with whom we have an emotionally involved relationship.
Understanding how emotional energy moves, gives us insight into how its breath is closely related to all of our emotional difficulties, and the way in which we get unconsciously caught up in the numerous complications that arise from being unable to say no to others and to say yes to ourselves. Once we learn this, it makes more sense to consciously tend to our own emotional needs and take the responsibility to recognize when our sponge is dangerously close to saturation, threatening to drown all those concerned in our emotional tsunami. Instead of dragging others down into the watery depths of our own denial, we can choose, because otherwise, in the absence of our own responsible choice, the system will choose for us, unconsciously creating havoc in order for us to feel authorized and worthy to make, and take, the necessary space for our own emotional needs.
Any emotional imbalances will begin to heal and transform when the stagnant energy in the second subtle body begins to move, circulating once again within the energy field. In order to live a healthy emotional life, both polarities of the emotional breath need to be experienced equally and consciously, and that may require we revise some of our ideas concerning relationships and emotional nourishment in general. Below is a list of concepts that maybe preventing us from achieving the correct functioning of the emotional body:
- Relationships tend to develop into role-play such as the “savior” or “substitute parent.” Nourishing everyone while sacrificing personal needs, we often moan because others either lean on us, do not appreciate us, ignore the advice we give, or are unwilling to exchange the favor.
- Saying no to others creates a strong sense of guilt. Being “needy” and in search of (parental) attention, we expect emotional nourishment without returning the favor.
- Being a “do-gooder,” we need to sacrifice, using it as a righteous means for recognition as a respectable, altruistic, “good person.” Being alone is experienced as isolation and loneliness rather than self-nourishment.
- We interpret self-nourishment as wrong, self-indulgent, egocentric, and selfish*.
Taking responsibility of our own emotional education is Self-Parenting; a gesture of maturity that eventually brings the underdeveloped, childish, emotional inner child into synchronicity with the actual age of the physical body, because trivial confrontations over toothpaste tops, toilet seats and mother-in-laws are not only a waste of time and energy, they also degrade the quality of our energy field, not to mention causing stress which then intensifies old, unresolved emotional issues which are misleadingly exchanged for personality and character traits that inevitably and silently sabotage our natural homeostasis, triggering a psycho-neuro-endocrine-immunology imbalance, potentially leading to disease and illness.
The human energy system is a fascinating subject for study. The only qualification required is an open mind and the desire to observe, explore, feel and experiment. More clinically minded readers may comment on how different metaphysical schools are not always in agreement and how their variables and lack of tangibility are reason for doubt. As true as that may be, metaphysical disciplines are just instruments, paths upon which to travel. They are only maps, not the territory itself. We are the territory!
*Excerpt from the book: The Holistic Approach to Redefining Cancer, Balboa Press
About The Author
Born in London in 1962, Caroline Mary Moore is a certified associate member of the Imperial Society of Teachers of Dancing since 1981. A former professional dancer and choreographer, today Caroline is a holistic counselor registered with the Società Italiana Counselor e Operatore Olistico (SICOOL). She specializes in subtle body healing and metaphysical energy work, which deal with the metaphysical breath of the subtle light bodies. Caroline also works as a facilitator of holistic education and energy hygiene, and is dedicated to helping her clients discover new resources within, empowering and supporting them during transitions and personal transformations. Caroline lives in Mantua, Italy, with her husband, Oscar; three children, Michael, Robin, and Nastasja; their cat, Iside; their dog, Nuvola; and their two horses, Galaad and Summer.