How Authentic is Your “Yes” and Your “No”?
In a work environment, its normal to have to accept compromises and wear false masks, but in other circumstances, like for example, in romantic or family relationships, in search of affection and acceptance, it is not unusual to find ourselves caught up in the ego’s trap of self-denial putting others needs and desires before our own.
This is an energetic interference typical of the shadow side of the second subtle body and its corresponding chakra (for more details read HERE) a level of human consciousness affected by childhood trauma and emotional shock, also known as being the seat of the inner child.
This dimension of human consciousness also concerns sexuality: sexual fantasies, being at fault, guilt, sacrifice, procreation, emotional nourishment and our ability to feel pleasure and aversion while relating with friends, family and romantic partners; as such, it is the source of both anxiety and emotional well-being and reflects, above all, our ability to say “yes” and “no” to both pleasure and aversion authentically.
The energy of the second chakra teaches us how to melt in our relationships with others and above all with ourselves. It requires discernment, truthfulness and the ability to say yes or no when, and if, we feel a genuine desire to melt or separate emotionally.
Saying no to others means renouncing or even refusing their company, taking personal time out in order to say yes to self-pleasure and self-nourishment; and it is here that most of us find ourselves in difficulty.
So why does this happen and how can we avoid falling into our own self-imposed emotional traps?
We have all been children, a vulnerable period in our lives in which our parents did not, or could not, always act in our best interests.
According to experts, around the age of two, we began a period commonly known as the “Terrible Two’s”, a fundamental goal in development where as small child we began to: communicate in sentences of two or three words, climb (expanding our territory) understanding concrete concepts like “mine”, “no” and “bad” (we were judged “bad” when we didn’t obey, and our parents were experienced as “bad” because they imposed rules and discipline).
During this period of development, everything was orientated around limits, boundaries, independence and learning how to communicate our personal needs and desires. Energetically, in the emotional body, we developed behavioral strategies in order to obtain emotional power over others or compensate for a loss of it, making ourselves or others feel guilty (emotional manipulation).
We quickly learned to recognize that our desires and needs were very different from those of our parents or caretakers, and in the absence of free will (personal choice) we were destined to feel frustration, and in some cases, deep sorrow, when our emotional needs were not met; either because our parents didn’t understand, or because they refused to comply with our needs, which were interpreted as childish caprices and whims.
The terrible two’s are that famous period in child development where the word “no” becomes a weapon of power for children and the nightmare of every parent or caretaker; even when “no” makes no sense at all, for example: when being offered ice-cream or a favorite toy.
Most children seem to be excessive in this phase of growth, however they are still developing their impulse control, and since the emotional energy in the second subtle body and its corresponding chakra are still fluid and active, and in symbiosis with the body in the present (feeling in the here now) their changes in mood, or so called “whims” are common, short but very intense.
While children are testing boundaries and learning the power of speech, the dualistic ego develops along with a sense of separation. Desires and demands must be met instantly and during this phase, small children become increasingly self-aware, expressing new emotions such as: jealousy, affection, pride and shame.
Although they consider themselves to be the center of their own world, two year olds may continually demand the attention and support of their parents. Even if they want to possess and do things independently, broadening horizons means taking risks and making mistakes, which means living with increasing fears of the unknown and in some cases; with fear of being punished for their mistakes if parents are excessively overbearing or autocratic.
Because of their immature brains, two year olds are still too young to be able to remember rules, as such, the emotional energy in the second level of consciousness is conditioned by any emotion aroused through scolding (or punishment) leaving a child to deduce that an adults love is offered and taken away (apparently) in accordance with how the child behaves (good/bad must/must not). As adults, these foundations are unsuspectingly projected upon our personal relationships by the inner child whose emotional interpretations are immature and not in tune with the age and maturity of our physical bodies.
Observing how we are inclined to automatically say “Yes” when our whole being is shouting “No!” (and vice versa) is an excellent exercise for healing the inner child that was forced to distort, or confused the meaning of these basic, but very fundamental statements, during the early development of the ego.
With a little self-observation and personal responsibility, and without feeding the ego’s need to justify or blame others, it becomes apprent how we do in fact have difficulty expressing with authenticity “Yes” for Yes, and the “No” for No.
Why is this so important?
If we take two guitars that are tuned in the same way, when we pluck the A string on the first guitar, the same note on the second guitar will vibrate simultaneously in resonance without even touching it. Why?
Because it is the same vibration, a harmonic resonance, like that attracts like!
Saying “Yes” and “no” with authenticity means transforming the multiple interpretations of the ego and the inner child’s need to self-deny or self-betray in order to receive others’ love and acceptance, distorted truths kept alive, that attract, by resonance, people and events that support these distortions, preventing the expansion of our emotional intelligence, that is, the maturation of the inner child in parallel with the age of the body.
We all have an ego, a part of our psyche that needs to be understood and not judged, because it plays an important role. Enlightened awareness is not the absence of an ego, it is the “awakening from the ego”, and therefore, if enlightenment is the arrival, ego is the journey.
Perhaps it is ironic, but the prerequisite for enlightened awareness, or rather, achieving an authentic Self without false beliefs, initially requires the conditioning and false beliefs of the ego from which we are then required to awaken!
Caroline Mary Moore
About The Author
Born in London in 1962, Caroline Mary Moore is a certified associate member of the Imperial Society of Teachers of Dancing since 1981. A former professional dancer and choreographer, today Caroline is a registered holistic counselor (AIPO) specialized in subtle body healing and metaphysical energy work, which deals with the metaphysical breath of the subtle light bodies.
Caroline lives in Mantua, Italy, with her husband and three children, and is the author of the book ” The Holistic Approach To Redefining Cancer.” Working as a facilitator of holistic education and energy hygiene, Caroline helps her clients discover new resources within, empowering and supporting them during transitions and personal transformations.